I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
