i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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