hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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