last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
