he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
