tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
