I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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