Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
