Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
