There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
