I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
