I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
