My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
