Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
