It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you traded sex for a burrito?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
