I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
