Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
