i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
