He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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