things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
