You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
