The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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