Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
