I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
