You can't motorboat a personality
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize
