I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
