After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
