Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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