y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
