ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
