good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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