The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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