my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
