Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
