My nipple is on Facebook.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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