The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sobbing to NWA
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