Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
