they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
