i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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