Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
