Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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