i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
