I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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