I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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