Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
