Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
