like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
