It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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