there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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