youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
