yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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