your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
