new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
