I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
